As football season is again descending upon us, let’s have a look at some churches’ interpretations of familiar football phrases.

BLITZ-The strategic play that takes place two seconds after closing prayer as everyone rushes for their favorite restaurant.

BLOCKING-Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting.

COACH-The children’s Christmas program director.

ASSISTANT COACH-Every mother who has a kid in the children’s Christmas program.

DRAW PLAY-What many children (and a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service.

ILLEGAL MOTION-Leaving before the benediction.

INTERFERENCE-Talking during the organ prelude.

OFFSIDES-When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room.

PASS INTERFERENCE-A parent moving between two teens in the pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon.

QUARTERBACK SNEAK-How the pastor gets from the pulpit to the rear door during the benediction.


TIMEOUT-Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING-The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT-Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.

BENCHWARMER – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do anything but sit.

BACKFIELD-IN-MOTION – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

STAYING IN THE POCKET – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

TRAP – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.


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